August 14, 2010

Crush object: Joseph Gordon-Levitt (no Inception spoilers)

Today we have a treat from recent surprise sex-symbol Joseph Gordon-Levitt.  While filming a movie, or something, he was injured in a biking accident.  Because there is a God, he had the director take a short video and posted it on his tumblr, here (can’t embed).

(Warning: If squicked by blood, real-life injury, or Joseph Gordon-Levitt, DO NOT CLICK; however I’m guessing people here will not be bothered by any of these).

Anyone who has never experienced endorphin high or subspace, even gratuitously, would do well to watch this video for an example.  I’ve never fallen into space on account of a disgustingly high pain tolerance, but a surprise gash to the arm would probably convince my body to let some endorphins go.  Here, Gordon-Levitt smiles, giggles, babbles on about how “fucking cool” the “fucking gash in [his] arm” is.  He’s flying.  That really resonated with me as a kinkster.

I was turned on for obvious reasons.  I guess what I’m attracted to is the lack of shame or reticence in his bleeding profusely and having been injured.  The dominant injury narrative says that people who have been in this type of accident should be scared, quiet, introverted, humiliated, and want to do nothing more than forget the whole thing.  But Gordon-Levitt relishes his state, relishes his blood, his pain, speaks with the viewer and those around him, shows his wound shamelessly; unafraid.  That turns me on because of its rarity.

I found myself desiring to lick the blood from his arm, suck it from his fingers, as he smiles and giggles.  This is of note because I’ve never been one for blood play IRL or in fiction. (It doesn’t squick me, but it just never spoke to me.)  I want him to take me from that street corner, bring me to his hotel, and fuck me with a smile on the clean white sheets, his blood leaking everywhere.  Then I want him to take me to the ER to watch them clean the wound, to watch them stitch it.  I would press a tender kiss to the wound before they bandaged it.  Take him home and play with his hair as the endorphins wear down and he falls asleep.

Sun 15 Aug 2010 ETA:

When Christopher Nolan and his stunt director approached Joe about the role in Inception, they told him it would hurt. “I wanted to paint a grim picture of it,” Nolan says. “The worse I made it sound, the more Joe would grin.” There would be pain. There would be wire work—jumping and fighting in a Fred Astaire-ishly spinning room. Joe would need to wear elbow pads, knee pads, torso pads. Avoiding injury would require relentless training. “They were basically saying, ‘This will be really hard,’ ” Joe recalls. “And I said, ‘I will do anything at all, and I will never complain once.’ Chris just sort of smiled and said, ‘Get it in writing.'”

Nolan wasn’t lying. Joe went to England to shoot levitational hand-to-hand combat in a whirling tube set up in an old zeppelin factory, and “it was six-day weeks of just, like, coming home at night fuckin’ battered. Like you are after you play a hard game of football,” Joe says. “The light fixtures on the ceiling are coming around on the floor, and you have to choose the right time to cross through them, and if you don’t, you’re going to fall.” Nevertheless, there is no record of Joe bitching on the set. “The adrenaline,” he says, “was so nuts that I was like, ‘This normally would have hurt a lot, but let’s go again, let’s go, let’s go, let’s go.”

–Details:  “Joseph Gordon-Levitt Comes of Age”


Mon 16 Aug 2010 ETA:

So not only does he enjoy pain, but he enjoys things that are hard and rough and involve a harness.  …Please marry me.


July 14, 2010

Hurt/comfort and devoteeism: Differences

I wrote in my last entry about some of the service and submission aspects of my hurt/comfort fantasy.  In an essay I found today, a fannish writer explores some of the issues many other fen have with H/C fiction regarding its appropriateness, and calls for increased realism and understanding of medical ailments and disabilities within the genre:

“The comfort is what’s important, the hurt that’s going on, it’s necessary to get to that step. […] Hurt isn’t what these fics are about; the fics are about characters expressing love and devotion for one another by helping one another through the rough patches. Hurt is the mechanism that allows for the comfort. I know it’s not what you want to hear, because it’s the subject of the current debate, but the disability, the depression, the PTSD, they are not the central theme of the story. These ailments are plot devices to enable the comfort that comes after the fact. For me, at least, and I won’t say this is true of the entire genre, I am chasing after the comfort. I don’t want to read a 100,000 word fic about a character who is in pain, suffering alone, and working through his issues alone.”

— hollow_echos, Why Hurt/Comfort, You Ask?

PREACH, girlfriend, PREACH!  I never thought about the H/C genre this way before, but I think this writer hits the nail on the head vis a vis some of the criticism the genre has received.  For me, this essay makes me recognize that my fantasies completely skip the “hurt” part of the hurt/comfort (for example, the two fantasies I delineated in the last post), so it’s sort of a moot point, but still well worth the read.

Though the writer mentions disabiliy (it’s discussed much further in the comments to the essay), my H/C/injury-worship/wound-kissing/whatever-the-fuck kink is entirely different from my devo kink and my attraction to some folk with disabilities.  My H/C and injury worship kinks share a pain and comfort aspect that my devo thing doesn’t include: my devo thing has more to do with a specifically butch characterization of strength.

As I’ve said before, butchness appears to be an inherent aspect of devotee attraction for many; think about that brief shot in the film Saved! where Mandy Moore’s character dumps her para brother’s wheelchair off of the car ramp and he braces the jump like a pro.  I know most devos probably found it way hotter than I did, but it definitely got my attention.  Hell, I think the part of the appeal of the Paralympics is for viewers to “get off” on this butchness, sexually or no.  If you got a few minutes, see these examples.

1) Nike capitalizes on CAB fascination/fetishization of disabled bodies:

2) Canadian Paralympic sledge hockey team with bonus Rick Mercer (Warning: brief shot of Canadian Prime Minister Stephen Harper near beginning):

3) Learn about sledge hockey and the men who love it (This video beautifully illustrates my issue with the term “able-bodied.”  As a CAB, what is my body able to do [hint: not that] and why is it so prioritized and valued over what these or other disabled bodies can do?  But I digress.).  The men also describe how they were injured, satisfying the curiosity of CAB viewers who demand an explanation for why their bodies are not normative:

The men in these videos do not appear to be in search of any comfort.  The fantasy here is, for me, largely about service and submission, but also just plain run-of-the-mill lust.  (If the 2014 team needs a volunteer massage “therapist,” I urge them to contact me.  I imagine: a man lying face down on the bed while I straddle his waist; smoothing his broad back and shoulders with fragrant oils and kneading out all those hard-worked muscles as he groans in pleasure.  [Phew, that wasn’t so difficult.]  Nothing specifically dev about this particular fantasy, I know, but… but, like, there it is.)

As I’ve said before, devoteeism, while often being focused on butch independence, leaves a lot of space for service kinks.  Over at Kink Bingo again, theleaveswant posted an essay and picspam exploring the concept of pervertibles.  I’ll quote from her here:

““Pervert” comes from Latin roots meaning “to turn away” from something; if you cut through the stigma of the word’s history connoting first religious and later sexual misbehaviour, ‘perversion’ is another twist on redirection and transformation. As fans we “pervert” (in this destigmatized sense) by taking the germ of an idea from one piece of art and using it to grow another. […] Once you get into the habit of looking in a particular way, you start to see things you didn’t before in places you never expected—this is what we mean when we talk about slash goggles, kink goggles and porn as a reading practice. Pervertibility is another way of framing these tricks for looking/sensing, feeling for the play potential that was always already there and finding new worlds in the dirt.”

— theleaveswant, The World Is My Toybag: Pervertible Practices (And You!)

The same way a simple act such as cleaning a Dom’s house or serving them tea can become “perverted” into a D/s service scene, so too can many aspects of care and assistance specific to people with disabilities.  Attending a holiday event with a friend, I noticed a man in the crowd who used a wheelchair.  A woman who was with him was at his feet, doing… I don’t know what exactly — possibly massaging a cramp, or helping him shift positions, or maybe he was having her check for a bump or scrape he wasn’t sure whether he had on his foot or leg.  But there she was, in the midst of the crowd, on the ground in front of him.  What an incredibly pervertible scene.

(I lamented to my friend the difficulty of checking out people with non-normative bodies: how does one deploy the lustful gaze that is integral to flirtation without revictimizing the individual, subjecting them to the stares and gawking they so often receive [see, for example, Gawking, Gaping, Staring by crip activist Eli Clare]?

“It’s easy,” she said, “Just make sure you wink.”)

July 13, 2010

Injury, service, submission and worship

A lot of my mystery kink isn’t so different from your common domination and submission fantasy.  My attraction to guys with disabilities (specifically SCIs), my post-surgical thing, “thank you for taking such good care of me,” and now this wound kissing kink I just discovered, could fall under larger umbrellas of service, submission and worship. Hell, I’m a big fan of “basic” D/s as well — it’s just, I would rather polish a wheelchair than a boot.

In my fantasy, the dominant figure is hurt or disabled in some way, but still completely worthy of my service, of my submission.  How hot would it be to… [gathering courage] to go down on a beautiful man who just had his appendix removed; to touch a body that so many would avoid; to breach that taboo of feeling anything but pity; to hear his whimpers of pleasure and pain, mingling, confusing every nerve in his body, as I gently ghost the tip of a finger along his bandage; to make him feel good in the midst of his pain and fear; to submit when he is completely incapable of enforcing my submission.

How calm to sit at the feet of a man with a broken ankle, caressing the cast, laying a kiss on it while he watches me service him this way; to gently kiss the sensitive toes peeking out, stimulating this injured part of his body that is the focus of so much of his awareness.  To stay with him.  To be with him.

(And another thing – I’m bisexual, so how odd that my most potent fantasies in this realm are all about men.)

For obvious reasons, my fantasy/fetish/kink is pretty impractical: I’m not about to stab a lover or push them down the stairs so I can do this stuff.  It could have role-playing potential, but I’m unsure whether playing such a scene would excite me or push the right buttons.  Also, I can barely talk about this shit here — can you imagine me trying to negotiate such a scene with a person?

July 11, 2010

Wound kissing: Curiouser and curiouser.

Remember a few posts ago, the pictures of Zachary Quinto as Sylar, sporting a very painful/sensual-looking sword wound on Heroes?  If not, scroll down to them.  I’ll wait.  Remember I had said something along the lines of experiencing a desire to touch, stroke, or caress the wound very gently and lovingly, easing and/or exacerbating his pain?  Well I had been thinking about that – I mean, of course I had; I think about this kind of thing a lot.  But anyway, I was browsing over at Dreamwidth’s Kink Wiki (which is exactly what it sounds like: a kink/fetish wiki developed by and for fannish folks taking part in a multi-fandom challenge called Kink Bingo) when I came across an entry called “Body Alteration/Injury.”  I scrolled down, saw the words “wound kissing” and immediately clicked play.  What I saw was this clip of an episode of Oz, starring featured Crush Object Chris Meloni:

Click here (because wordpress fails at basic tasks such as embedding megavideo without downloading special software – had I known this, I would have considered another blog service, but, live and learn).

After seeing that video, I was so enthralled I actually felt a bit faint.  No, I’m serious.  I imagine my pupils dilated and everything.  I admitted to myself that, in addition to touching, stroking, etc., what I really want to do is that.  That video of a man kissing his lover’s wound excited me.  (Scrolling through the comments on the post, I noticed that I, myself, have been linked from the page.  Hello there!  Welcome!)

Now I know it’s not cool to police one’s own kinks, but as a very hygiene conscious person – the kind who actually washes her hands for twenty seconds after coming in from outside or using the bathroom –  I find it so, so very strange that the idea of touching or pressing my lips to a wound excites me.  (Tellingly, googling “wound kissing” brings up this blog post, that Oz clip, and a lot of HIV prevention information.) Then again, as a hygiene conscious person I am the perfect candidate for such a kink.  For example: I puked so much as a kid that I developed neither an emetophilia, nor the more common emetophobia; vomiting was unpleasant, but simply part of life.  I could definitely see how someone more likely to psychologically link vomiting with humiliation, filth, and all around wrongness, could find the act quite poignant in either an erotic or squick-tastic way.  Similarly, perhaps my hyperawareness of the “dirtiness,” transgressiveness and wrongness of wanting to caress or be near a wound makes it especially poignant for me.  You know, the forbidden fruit is all the more… tangy and metallic-tasting.

I could certainly see enjoying touching and kissing a wound over a bandage, which takes care of the hygiene issue but is still, you know, weird.

July 13 ETA: Just found out this post has been linked at the fandom meta-discussion community Fandom News, whose sister site, Fan History, I’ve linked to in the side bar.  They don’t allow anonymous commenting over there, so I’ll say it here: Hi!  Welcome!  Thanks!

June 27, 2010

Zachary Quinto in Emergency Room: Code Blue

Tue July 13: Edited post title: the game is called “Emergency Room: Code Blue,” not “Code Blue: Emergency Room.”  That does make more sense for a game title, but now it looks like ZQ is in the emergency room and coding, which is pretty distressing.  But the double-entendre is a little funny, so I’m going to leave it.

See, this is where my fetish gets weird.  Because as much as I originally posted these as a joke related to ZQ’s recognition with Fetish God status in this blog, I… *sigh*

I must admit it made me a bit squiggly in my pants.  I will now attempt to delineate why.  Pity me, as I am forced to watch them again and again.

I share an interest with Zach’s character here, although I can’t say I would ever think of taking it that far – I’m no pretender, like this character.  But I guess, growing up a less-than-robust child, I must say that hospitals and anything related to the medical profession makes me feel… safe.  Safe in an all-encompassing, bone deep way, like nothing could ever harm me.  I guess, partly due to my female anatomy and hormones (this is arguable, of course), feeling this safe is a real prerequisite to being aroused sexually.  I can kind of see a similarity in this two-minute character.  Clearly med stuff makes him safe and comfortable, and, then, aroused.

In the second vid, he has a line: “Thank you for taking such good care of me.”  Now, to have your, like, ultimate man-crush, even disguised in uglification gear, say that… wow.  Since the videos don’t show what the actual game-play looks like, it allows me to, erm, fill in some blanks, so to speak.  In essence, it opens the imagination to images of stripping down and gowning up Zachary Quinto, using all kinds of machines to tinker with his body, helping him sort of limp along in pain, squeezing his hand, stroking his skin where it hurts, and any and all activities that could fall under “taking such good care” of him.

There’s a reason why I keep this blog so tightly anonymous.

May 31, 2010

Update: Blind Dating

PROS: Chris Pine; a disability-savvy moment or two (a girl weeps through an entire date because she pities him so! His family is way too overprotective and never taught him anything, at all, about sex.); under 2 hours; Chris Pine hand porn (he feels a lot of stuff); Jane Seymour in a corset; Chris Pine hospital scenes; gowns; IVs; surgery; medical implants; oxygen mask shots; pain; writhing.

CONS: some ableist bullshit (A blind dude refusing to use a cane, or risking his health for true love, is so brave! And check out his Blind Guy Superpowers – watch him play sports!); some racist bullshit (What that Indian girl needs is a white man to teach her how to love, American style!); some sexist bullshit (Women, especially Blonde women, are stupid, so it’s ok to lie to them!  Forcing  a kiss on someone who is unconscious after surgery is not sexual assault, it’s true love – even if you had to sneak into his hospital room!); a Sassy Black Friend with Scary Black Friends; plot holes you could twist an ankle in (whatever happened to law school, Danny?); a ridiculous, contrived plot; romantic comedy tropes; toilet humour.

But, y’know, Chris Pine writhing in a hospital bed, in a gown, with bandages.

Rating: 4/4

May 30, 2010

Chris Pine: Fetish Demi-God

In true Pinto fashion, Chris Pine is not to be outdone by Quinto.  I just found a trailer for a devo fanservice wet dream Pine starred in called Blind Dating.  It is exactly what it sounds like.  I suppose his absolutely bitchin’ cheek scar and propensity to get beaten a lot and walk around with delectable bruises in the Star Trek film just weren’t enough?  (Don’t worry, I will soon do a post on both of these.)

I am going to watch it and hope it isn’t horrendously insulting or offensive.

Granted, Pine gave me the tingles before I saw this trailer (again, largely a scar and bruise thing but also his chibi eyes, pornographic lips, and perfect ass), but guys with visual impairments were never specifically on my radar screen before this… this.  That’s not to say that I wouldn’t have one, but I’ve never really known how to hit on someone without using that visual aspect: how do you catch someone’s eye when…? (Then again, I said almost exactly this about my quadriplegic FWB before slightly modifying my body language and successfully hitting on him.)   None of my friends have significant visual impairments either, so I haven’t totally wrapped my head around the social niceties involved (yet).

What does it say about my anti-oppressive values that it took a trailer about a sexy blind man to make me realize that?  Can I still be an ally to people with disabilities if there are aspects of it that also happen to get me off?

May 28, 2010

Zachary Quinto: Fetish GOD.

So Zachary Quinto is what is known as a Fetish Fuel Station Attendant.  Plays a sociopathic mass-murderer?  Check.  Super-powers?  Check.  Bound and (not so) helpless?  Check.  Photographed in handcuffs?  Check.   Straightjacket?  Check.  Photographed and filmed doing insanely kinky shit with milk, such as making a man pour it on himself?  Check.  Wet and messy?  Check.  Filmed dressed as a goddamn clown (not my thing), then in a priest’s collar (definitely my thing)? Check, and check.  Pointy ears?  Check.  Erotic asphyxiation?  Check.   Gun kink?  For realsies, babe.  Whatever your thing is, ZQ has your kink covered. I thought I had pretty much seen it all, and then… this:

(Naked?) Wet ZQ + bandage

DID YOU SEE THE BANDAGES??  I sure did!  There is a god.   At least in the fetish world.

Mon Jun 14 2010: Edited to add straightjacket link above, and this still image of the above scene, where you can get a good look at the wound (and his body, of course).  There’s even a slight halo of bruising around it:

Zachary Quinto as Sylar, standing outside of a motel room door, topless, wet, drying hair with a towel. On his left side is a sword wound that has been bandaged.

…And this earlier picture of Zach-as-Sylar waking up post-surgery in a makeshift hospital with IV (large image; click for full size):

So I’ve learned something new today: my fetish-or-whatever is very, very specific.  What I wouldn’t give to be the woman in this photo (except that, y’know, the character’s story doesn’t end so well).  I could easily spend hours just petting his bandage.  With clean hands, of course.

May 22, 2010

Fic: Walk Into the Sea

Fic: Walk Into the Sea
“Rating: NC-17
Pairing: Kirk/McCoy
Notes: ~1,800 word AU; written for the Pirate Prompt Fest, for which [info]ohownovel provided the prompt: “Pirate Captain!Kirk/Imperial!Physician Bones. The Captain needs a doctor. He takes one hostage from the nearest fleet ship to do his bidding.” Absolutely zero consideration given for historical accuracy; the dialogue is entirely of this era, but they are wearing breeches. This version is slightly edited from the original posting.
Summary: Life at sea is dangerous enough for Doctor McCoy’s tastes; stepping foot on Captain Kirk’s ship seems akin to walking into the sea altogether.”

Oh… how nice to be reading Star Trek XI fanfiction and stumble upon my bulletproof kink in a swashbuckling pirate AU!

May 14, 2010

Dear Glee

Filed under: Uncategorized — g @ 19:22
Tags: , , ,

You included a hot quad character and then did nothing with him. Thanks for nothing.

Much better is this video of the actor (Zack Weinstein) who was unfortunately asked to play this bullshit character:

Next Page »